Who Owns You?

Today's mood: Inspired and content
Forecast: Greatness

In the wake of the Zimmerman not guilty verdict there has been a lot of talk on race. Personally I endeavor to take the intellectual route on the subject (although I don't always succeed). I will not discuss the case but I want to delve into some of the complexities behind existing and successfully thriving in America today. What options do we have moving forward. We're aware of the problems, now let's throw in some solutions.

A Torrid Love Affair. . . It's truly not as salacious as it seems

Today's Mood: Bitch try me. . .
Forecast: Cloudy with a chance of bitch slap. I kid...maybe.


My love affair with poetry. . .


Poetry used to be a huge part of my life back in the not so good old days. The first time I fell in love it was with poetry. I wrote things down to escape my past and present misery at the time and it never really occurred to me that it was any good. Until some time in high school I had the immense pleasure of meeting a man by the name of John Bennett (I hope I'm spelling his last name right). He saw something in me that I didn't know I possessed, at the time. There was a pain  that took up residence behind my eyes that he somehow grasped on to. I put on a brave face so no one knew but that pain was suffocating me. I channeled that aggression and some of the misguided abhorrence into poetry and as it turns out although my experiences were mostly shrouded in darkness and despair, I somehow always found it in my heart and soul to personify love. Thus a true love affair with poetry began. I wonder what John is up to these days. I hope he's found love and has a little girl named Soliloquy to prove it.

So today on a whim, I picked up my purple pen and yellow paper (random tidbit: those are my two favorite colors and no that does not a Lakers fan make ;-p) I wrote a paragraph long affirmation for reasons I will not get into. Maybe I'll save that for another day. Basically today July eleventh has some significance to me and I wanted to get it in writing that I acknowledge chance and change coming into my life and I accept it and welcome it with both arms open. One thing led to another and I had one of those stream of consciousness moments and I began to describe the way that I love as it pertains to who I am. And a poem was born.

The reality of the situation is. . .

Today's mood: Centered

I'm in the process of researching and writing up a prospectus for a potential business venture. I say potential because the ideas are there, the planning has begun, the concept can be translated from theory to reality but the energy behind the idea is not yet kinetic. I'm stressing and freaking out because at this point in my life failure is not an option.

In intimate conversations with friends and family, I always say that one should not plan life according to age but rather the stage that we're at in our lives. Right now I feel like I'm at the stage in my life where I must get my ducks in a row, so to speak. In this season of my life is a profound, relentless devotion to God, dedication and honesty to self and to my valued and trusted relationships, and to strengthening a foundation in order to accomplish future goals.

I must admit that I have certain reasonable concerns, like; am I making the right decision, is this the business route for me, can I succeed in this industry, do I have what it takes, do I have the perseverance and fortitude to weather the ups and downs that inevitably come with being a small business owner in my twenties. All are reasonable fears. I will immerse myself in my spirituality and in prayer in order to overcome these fears one at a time. Within the relationship I have with myself, God is at the center of it and I want to go on faith and believe that I can do anything because my spiritual strength goes beyond any human emotion. There is no room for doubts in my spiritual wheelhouse. That is what I hold on to as I take the necessary steps to secure my future.

So the journey begins. It's exciting to take the road less traveled, to set a goal that defies anyone's expectations of you and for you, to defy common logic, to do what is considered a great risk which may or may not reap the expected reward. I've been given a line to walk through this life and I only ever intend to walk it by faith.

Sound the Alarm: Are your neighbors having loud obnoxious sex?

Mine are. . .

I feel like there should be some etiquette where extremely loud sex is concerned. It can go from super hot to borderline obnoxious in a hot minute. I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels this way. I think people should employ a certain level of courtesy. For instance the house should not physically shake. It's frightening! My first instinct is to call the fire department. Lol! I cannot deal with my neighbors. What's worst is living in a detached home and still being able to hear my neighbors in the next house. Ha! I mean LOUD! Pillows are a multipurpose item people.

Okay bye. That was my rant!

Squash those bad eating habits. . .

Literally!

So I'm trying to eat a bit healthier and slowly cut red meat from my diet. I no longer want to eat processed foods or foods high in sodium and sugar, so I'm making the conscious effort to eat green and eat only foods that come directly from the earth. I've been introduced to some low calorie and easy to create dishes that I'm going to share over the next few weeks.

Recently my sister introduced me to this simple spaghetti squash dish. Here is. . .

What you'll need:

1 medium sized Spaghetti squash
Parmesan cheese (optional)
Coarse black or white pepper (optional)
Organic unsalted butter (optional)

1. Preheat oven at 350 to 400
2. Half Spaghetti squash and remove seeds.
3. Place squash face up into the oven and cook for 45 minutes
4. Once cooked used a fork to pull the spaghetti like strands from the inside of the squash.
5. If you choose to add a dash of Parmesan cheese, black pepper, or butter this is the time to do so

I chose to make this one meal but you could also pair this with a salad or the protein of your choice.

That's it! Enjoy and customize to your liking. Happy eating!

Sins of My Father

How I'm feeling today: anxious, melancholy, thoughtful and somehow still content (the power of acceptance of both self and circumstance)

So I promised this post on Valentine's Day but I could not get myself to really dig deep enough to write this one in all its ugly truths. First my apologies for not keeping my word, I endeavor to do so in the future. I just could not write this post while I was in a negative space. Some parts will look into my past, my childhood, the people that have in one way or another shaped my worldview, and the people that no longer exist in my mind space and why. The basis of this post is to go through some of my experiences and delve into why one of the biggest lessons I've learned is that some people cannot give or receive love.

What I'd like to talk about first are the people in my life that I love and am loyal to, not by name but by their characteristics. Loyalty and trust are everything to me and in order to be friends/family (I don't know about you but I choose who I call family too) with anyone I require both in abundance. I say that to say this, have you ever known someone that made it impossible for you to tolerate them let alone to love them, to the point where loving them is inconceivable. Personally if I can neither trust nor have a mutually implied loyalty with an individual then all bets are off. We are neither friends nor are we family. It's that cut and dry. That's not to say we are enemies because I'm too adult and elevated in the way I see the world to give up my precious mind space for a subset of people that I will now have to consciously avoid (it's just dumb and counterproductive).

Express yourself... Let your freak flag fly!

How I'm feeling today:  Conflicted and strangely focused

So I found this website very recently and I think this guy is absolutely insane (in a good way of course).  No one could ever accuse Scott of the website sexpressed.com of being anything but brutally honest. We may not share the same values or life experiences but I admire his don't give a shit attitude. Life is only but so long and you have to live it according to your own personal creed.

I sometimes have a difficult time with the notion that 'not everyone will get me or like me or care what I have to say or even care that I exist'--but I think someone like Scott would probably say fuck those people and the loins that they came from. I'm learning; slowly (very fucking slowly) but surely! So shout out to Scott and those like him who simply live life and once they find out who they are (which is a mind fuck all in itself) but when people like that find out who they are, they embrace it and find others that are open-minded enough and accepting of whoever they deem themselves to be. I love that!

If you are remotely interested in Scott's story here's a link to who he is and how he got that way.  By the way some of the ads featured on the website may not be suitable for the workplace. And as always please let me know what you think.

Disclaimer:
If you're a prude fuck off! I probably don't like you anyway. There! I feel like at some point I won't have to say that but until I get acquainted with who my readers are that's how it's going to be.

P.S. I guess for today only we're going to call it a 'Two Blog Thursday' -- Since today happens to be Valentine's Day and I have a story to tell... We'll see what I come up with and if it's not posted today forgive me but it will be delivered for sure before the weeks end.

oops v. "O"

In order to truly love one has to be in complete possession of his own mind and his own will.

My inspiration for this next blog is the classic British novel called Lady Chatterley's Lover by D. H. Lawrence (1928).  I fell in love with the characters, the era the book is set in and the intellectual dialogue focused around human nature at the height of technological advancement during the early twentieth-century. What stuck with me the most was the love story that seemed to blossom out the most the unsavory conditions but somehow still managed to prevail. It is up to the reader to decide in the whether the circumstances laid a foundation for the lovers to stay together or have they done undue harm to the sanctity of their union through many secrets and lies.

In the final letter from Mr. Mellors to Lady Chatterley the profession of love is so profound!

Here is a very short excerpt:

"We fucked a flame into being." 

Enough said!

Their love grew out of sheer frustration for the deadness of life. The emptiness left unfulfilled by two loveless marriages between them. Her marriage was void of touch. Plain and simple there was no human connection. No cause and affect, no release, no challenge.

The Lady's lover Mr. Mellors, a game keeper by choice, had been estranged from his brute of a wife for ten years. He forever swore off that particularly lackluster breed of a woman.

Essentially the relationship started as an affair. The sex transcended their understanding of themselves each other and their respective realities. There was vulnerability, submission, power and ultimately a deeply satisfying exchange between two people who were searching for life, for fulfillment, for light. Before then neither knew love; companionship, camaraderie, shared interest, tolerance, loyalty, etc but never love.

They each were self possessed and opinionated and clearly defined in a time when society decided ones rank and ones lot in life. One had to be a member of the upper class to warrant respect. Both the similarities and the differences they shared created the perfect dichotomy of opposing forces attracting despite societal and personal expectations. In short they were compatible, open and available.

 If you've ever found yourself saying 'wow... being with him or her feels like home,' then you can understand the sentiment. 

It isn't worth it to be with someone if you feel out place and unable to be fully expressive. Repressing your true nature will only leave you unfulfilled and restless in spirit. Sometimes people are not equally yoked, in a lot of different ways. I hope we can all agree that when it comes to intimacy we as human beings require both mental and physical fulfillment. And believe me you if those two things are missing from your relationship high step it on out of there, like now. Intellectual stimulation is a must for certain women. For me it is absolutely necessary. I strongly believe that a man or woman has to be able to blow your mind long before the clothes come off. I say a resounding yes to the mind fuck!

I will say it again and again and again because I think it has become somewhat of a cliche but it stands very true. "Sex is overrated!" If you are seeking the physical pursuit then um...I guess what I'm about to say really isn't for you. Nothing wrong with your preference. Every man and woman alike can be as sexually free as they chose. Those who judge are likely self righteous or jealous. I say more power to you, as long as your choices are your own and you are prepared to live with the physical and spiritual consequences. In all things if you like it, I love it.

With that said... It is very important if you are in a partnership, relationship, whatever you choose to call it to find fulfillment or else you well always subconsciously be seeking it somewhere else. That was the case with these fictional characters. The need for not only sex but mind altering, transcendent, all consuming, passionate sex is what drove Lady Chatterley from her husbands unassuming hands directly into another mans. Just like any other skill, yes I said skill, sex and intimacy are learned. First by simply knowing what you like. What are you into? Knowledge is power lol we can only hope. Knowing what you like isn't enough though you have to voice it to your hopefully like-minded or at least open-minded partner. Don't be fooled sex is a crucial part of a relationship, keyword here though is relationship. And everything should be open to at least one discussion if you catch my drift. Prudes stop right here, this may be your final destination. Really...

And to be clear, no, I am not sending anyone to the whorehouse to gain "experience." It is not necessary to sleep with an entire zip code or country code for some, in order to know what you want or what you like. The best kept secret today seems to be held in the fabled book. Yes books are nifty little things that do hold a world of information. In particular the Omega How-To-Series comes to mind. Google Omega Press or the name Grace "M"... What do you think? I want feedback :-)

Now that's what I call literature. Oh don't be such a prude ;)

Oh and there's more...

Be honest with yourself and carry that same honesty over into your relationship. And honestly, I'm no expert but if anything is worth doing then hell it's worth doing well. If he or she stimulates you mentally then you're already half way there. I know especially for women, our partners are challenged with the sometimes arduous task of turning us on mentally while at the same time having the ability to kick-off that very (and I do mean very) sought after mental blackout when the time calls. Quite a task indeed if you ask me. But there are very personal, private, sometime deviant needs that lie between points A and B. It is so worth it to explore what that is for you and yours. This is just one piece of the complex puzzle (which makes up a relationship) that just simply cannot be amiss. Whatever you took from this... Either way you've got homework to do.

There is no perfection in the giving or receiving of pleasure; only insofar as you capture that little piece of magic that makes you both forget your own existence, if only for just a few short moments at a time. When in love, we owe each other that.

If you have not had the pleasure of reading Lady Chatterley's Lover, I highly recommend it.

My next blog will delve a bit deeper into the relationship between men and women then (during twentieth-century England) and now . Has it fundamentally changed at all?

It's so simple. Trust me!

I've had this conversation so many times over the past few years and I usually give the same straight honest answer. Although in life there are no guarantees, (this is my disclaimer) I feel that we tend to over complicate relationships. That goes for any relationship but in this case I am referring to relationships of the romantic variety.

I feel like I have to state the obvious so I will: surely as a prerequisite to a relationship there should be an attraction to this person. I hope.

FRIENDSHIP is a must as well. Don't kid yourself, being in love before you've even been in like is a fail of epic proportions . Take the time get to know a person. Sex is overrated. Empty sex is great if that's what you're after, no judgement here but you attract what you put out so if that's the energy you are putting out into the universe do not expect to land a partner who is looking to settle down. More than likely he or she is looking for exactly what you're after. Be CLEAR and HONEST about what you want.

Endeavor to remain ON THE SAME PAGE at every stage in the relationship.

With all that said, you then have to treat the relationship like everything else in life that you WANT, you have to WORK at it; consistently.

It is not for the fainthearted or the weak fickle types who demand more than they're willing to give.... There is nothing old-fashion about taking relationships seriously; it all comes down to compatibility, trust, respect, loyalty, fidelity, honesty, among other things. It's simple, you love someone you commit and make it work.

I'm talking about a genuine loving, REAL relationship. The other kinds are irrelevant to life in my book. It's just a waste of two people's time because the relationship will inevitably end and destroy lives with it. Rule of thumb, you first have to be an adult to understand what it takes to be in a committed union with another person. You have to possess the capacity to be tolerant and the ability to see beyond yourself and your feelings, all the time. There are a lot of different pieces that have to fit perfectly for such a relationship to not only work but also last. And of course some divine intervention if you believe in that sort of thing. But then again some people are simply incapable of loving due to this false idea that they love themselves.

If two people are together for any reason other than to love, cherish and support one another through whatever life may bring then what on God's great earth is the point. Karma always catches up to people who fake the funk through life like that.

Love after heartbreak.... Well that's part of life. Pull yourself up by the boot straps and cowboy the hell up! Life will go on so why won't you?

It's only natural to be hurt and lack the same enthusiasm towards dating. Trust should always be earned but on the same token, once the healing is done from any failed relationship, you have to then be willing to open yourself up to the possibility of meeting someone better suited to you. Of course that takes time... And you also have to be willing to assess the role you played in the demise of past relationships in order to start anew and avoid repeating the same mistakes with someone new.

Another key thing to remember is that if its worth it (the relationship I mean...) people show their vulnerabilities and they work towards growth and if not they make excuses. Either bring your truth or walk away. It's likely that if you're lying to yourself about the situation or holding back your true emotions then whoever you're with is doing the same.

Lastly,

Love is always always always secondary to respect, trust, tolerance, loyalty, commitment and individual integrity and self love. ALWAYS! Make no mistake about that.