oops v. "O"

In order to truly love one has to be in complete possession of his own mind and his own will.

My inspiration for this next blog is the classic British novel called Lady Chatterley's Lover by D. H. Lawrence (1928).  I fell in love with the characters, the era the book is set in and the intellectual dialogue focused around human nature at the height of technological advancement during the early twentieth-century. What stuck with me the most was the love story that seemed to blossom out the most the unsavory conditions but somehow still managed to prevail. It is up to the reader to decide in the whether the circumstances laid a foundation for the lovers to stay together or have they done undue harm to the sanctity of their union through many secrets and lies.

In the final letter from Mr. Mellors to Lady Chatterley the profession of love is so profound!

Here is a very short excerpt:

"We fucked a flame into being." 

Enough said!

Their love grew out of sheer frustration for the deadness of life. The emptiness left unfulfilled by two loveless marriages between them. Her marriage was void of touch. Plain and simple there was no human connection. No cause and affect, no release, no challenge.

The Lady's lover Mr. Mellors, a game keeper by choice, had been estranged from his brute of a wife for ten years. He forever swore off that particularly lackluster breed of a woman.

Essentially the relationship started as an affair. The sex transcended their understanding of themselves each other and their respective realities. There was vulnerability, submission, power and ultimately a deeply satisfying exchange between two people who were searching for life, for fulfillment, for light. Before then neither knew love; companionship, camaraderie, shared interest, tolerance, loyalty, etc but never love.

They each were self possessed and opinionated and clearly defined in a time when society decided ones rank and ones lot in life. One had to be a member of the upper class to warrant respect. Both the similarities and the differences they shared created the perfect dichotomy of opposing forces attracting despite societal and personal expectations. In short they were compatible, open and available.

 If you've ever found yourself saying 'wow... being with him or her feels like home,' then you can understand the sentiment. 

It isn't worth it to be with someone if you feel out place and unable to be fully expressive. Repressing your true nature will only leave you unfulfilled and restless in spirit. Sometimes people are not equally yoked, in a lot of different ways. I hope we can all agree that when it comes to intimacy we as human beings require both mental and physical fulfillment. And believe me you if those two things are missing from your relationship high step it on out of there, like now. Intellectual stimulation is a must for certain women. For me it is absolutely necessary. I strongly believe that a man or woman has to be able to blow your mind long before the clothes come off. I say a resounding yes to the mind fuck!

I will say it again and again and again because I think it has become somewhat of a cliche but it stands very true. "Sex is overrated!" If you are seeking the physical pursuit then um...I guess what I'm about to say really isn't for you. Nothing wrong with your preference. Every man and woman alike can be as sexually free as they chose. Those who judge are likely self righteous or jealous. I say more power to you, as long as your choices are your own and you are prepared to live with the physical and spiritual consequences. In all things if you like it, I love it.

With that said... It is very important if you are in a partnership, relationship, whatever you choose to call it to find fulfillment or else you well always subconsciously be seeking it somewhere else. That was the case with these fictional characters. The need for not only sex but mind altering, transcendent, all consuming, passionate sex is what drove Lady Chatterley from her husbands unassuming hands directly into another mans. Just like any other skill, yes I said skill, sex and intimacy are learned. First by simply knowing what you like. What are you into? Knowledge is power lol we can only hope. Knowing what you like isn't enough though you have to voice it to your hopefully like-minded or at least open-minded partner. Don't be fooled sex is a crucial part of a relationship, keyword here though is relationship. And everything should be open to at least one discussion if you catch my drift. Prudes stop right here, this may be your final destination. Really...

And to be clear, no, I am not sending anyone to the whorehouse to gain "experience." It is not necessary to sleep with an entire zip code or country code for some, in order to know what you want or what you like. The best kept secret today seems to be held in the fabled book. Yes books are nifty little things that do hold a world of information. In particular the Omega How-To-Series comes to mind. Google Omega Press or the name Grace "M"... What do you think? I want feedback :-)

Now that's what I call literature. Oh don't be such a prude ;)

Oh and there's more...

Be honest with yourself and carry that same honesty over into your relationship. And honestly, I'm no expert but if anything is worth doing then hell it's worth doing well. If he or she stimulates you mentally then you're already half way there. I know especially for women, our partners are challenged with the sometimes arduous task of turning us on mentally while at the same time having the ability to kick-off that very (and I do mean very) sought after mental blackout when the time calls. Quite a task indeed if you ask me. But there are very personal, private, sometime deviant needs that lie between points A and B. It is so worth it to explore what that is for you and yours. This is just one piece of the complex puzzle (which makes up a relationship) that just simply cannot be amiss. Whatever you took from this... Either way you've got homework to do.

There is no perfection in the giving or receiving of pleasure; only insofar as you capture that little piece of magic that makes you both forget your own existence, if only for just a few short moments at a time. When in love, we owe each other that.

If you have not had the pleasure of reading Lady Chatterley's Lover, I highly recommend it.

My next blog will delve a bit deeper into the relationship between men and women then (during twentieth-century England) and now . Has it fundamentally changed at all?

It's so simple. Trust me!

I've had this conversation so many times over the past few years and I usually give the same straight honest answer. Although in life there are no guarantees, (this is my disclaimer) I feel that we tend to over complicate relationships. That goes for any relationship but in this case I am referring to relationships of the romantic variety.

I feel like I have to state the obvious so I will: surely as a prerequisite to a relationship there should be an attraction to this person. I hope.

FRIENDSHIP is a must as well. Don't kid yourself, being in love before you've even been in like is a fail of epic proportions . Take the time get to know a person. Sex is overrated. Empty sex is great if that's what you're after, no judgement here but you attract what you put out so if that's the energy you are putting out into the universe do not expect to land a partner who is looking to settle down. More than likely he or she is looking for exactly what you're after. Be CLEAR and HONEST about what you want.

Endeavor to remain ON THE SAME PAGE at every stage in the relationship.

With all that said, you then have to treat the relationship like everything else in life that you WANT, you have to WORK at it; consistently.

It is not for the fainthearted or the weak fickle types who demand more than they're willing to give.... There is nothing old-fashion about taking relationships seriously; it all comes down to compatibility, trust, respect, loyalty, fidelity, honesty, among other things. It's simple, you love someone you commit and make it work.

I'm talking about a genuine loving, REAL relationship. The other kinds are irrelevant to life in my book. It's just a waste of two people's time because the relationship will inevitably end and destroy lives with it. Rule of thumb, you first have to be an adult to understand what it takes to be in a committed union with another person. You have to possess the capacity to be tolerant and the ability to see beyond yourself and your feelings, all the time. There are a lot of different pieces that have to fit perfectly for such a relationship to not only work but also last. And of course some divine intervention if you believe in that sort of thing. But then again some people are simply incapable of loving due to this false idea that they love themselves.

If two people are together for any reason other than to love, cherish and support one another through whatever life may bring then what on God's great earth is the point. Karma always catches up to people who fake the funk through life like that.

Love after heartbreak.... Well that's part of life. Pull yourself up by the boot straps and cowboy the hell up! Life will go on so why won't you?

It's only natural to be hurt and lack the same enthusiasm towards dating. Trust should always be earned but on the same token, once the healing is done from any failed relationship, you have to then be willing to open yourself up to the possibility of meeting someone better suited to you. Of course that takes time... And you also have to be willing to assess the role you played in the demise of past relationships in order to start anew and avoid repeating the same mistakes with someone new.

Another key thing to remember is that if its worth it (the relationship I mean...) people show their vulnerabilities and they work towards growth and if not they make excuses. Either bring your truth or walk away. It's likely that if you're lying to yourself about the situation or holding back your true emotions then whoever you're with is doing the same.

Lastly,

Love is always always always secondary to respect, trust, tolerance, loyalty, commitment and individual integrity and self love. ALWAYS! Make no mistake about that.