oops v. "O"

In order to truly love one has to be in complete possession of his own mind and his own will.

My inspiration for this next blog is the classic British novel called Lady Chatterley's Lover by D. H. Lawrence (1928).  I fell in love with the characters, the era the book is set in and the intellectual dialogue focused around human nature at the height of technological advancement during the early twentieth-century. What stuck with me the most was the love story that seemed to blossom out the most the unsavory conditions but somehow still managed to prevail. It is up to the reader to decide in the whether the circumstances laid a foundation for the lovers to stay together or have they done undue harm to the sanctity of their union through many secrets and lies.

In the final letter from Mr. Mellors to Lady Chatterley the profession of love is so profound!

Here is a very short excerpt:

"We fucked a flame into being." 

Enough said!

Their love grew out of sheer frustration for the deadness of life. The emptiness left unfulfilled by two loveless marriages between them. Her marriage was void of touch. Plain and simple there was no human connection. No cause and affect, no release, no challenge.

The Lady's lover Mr. Mellors, a game keeper by choice, had been estranged from his brute of a wife for ten years. He forever swore off that particularly lackluster breed of a woman.

Essentially the relationship started as an affair. The sex transcended their understanding of themselves each other and their respective realities. There was vulnerability, submission, power and ultimately a deeply satisfying exchange between two people who were searching for life, for fulfillment, for light. Before then neither knew love; companionship, camaraderie, shared interest, tolerance, loyalty, etc but never love.

They each were self possessed and opinionated and clearly defined in a time when society decided ones rank and ones lot in life. One had to be a member of the upper class to warrant respect. Both the similarities and the differences they shared created the perfect dichotomy of opposing forces attracting despite societal and personal expectations. In short they were compatible, open and available.

 If you've ever found yourself saying 'wow... being with him or her feels like home,' then you can understand the sentiment. 

It isn't worth it to be with someone if you feel out place and unable to be fully expressive. Repressing your true nature will only leave you unfulfilled and restless in spirit. Sometimes people are not equally yoked, in a lot of different ways. I hope we can all agree that when it comes to intimacy we as human beings require both mental and physical fulfillment. And believe me you if those two things are missing from your relationship high step it on out of there, like now. Intellectual stimulation is a must for certain women. For me it is absolutely necessary. I strongly believe that a man or woman has to be able to blow your mind long before the clothes come off. I say a resounding yes to the mind fuck!

I will say it again and again and again because I think it has become somewhat of a cliche but it stands very true. "Sex is overrated!" If you are seeking the physical pursuit then um...I guess what I'm about to say really isn't for you. Nothing wrong with your preference. Every man and woman alike can be as sexually free as they chose. Those who judge are likely self righteous or jealous. I say more power to you, as long as your choices are your own and you are prepared to live with the physical and spiritual consequences. In all things if you like it, I love it.

With that said... It is very important if you are in a partnership, relationship, whatever you choose to call it to find fulfillment or else you well always subconsciously be seeking it somewhere else. That was the case with these fictional characters. The need for not only sex but mind altering, transcendent, all consuming, passionate sex is what drove Lady Chatterley from her husbands unassuming hands directly into another mans. Just like any other skill, yes I said skill, sex and intimacy are learned. First by simply knowing what you like. What are you into? Knowledge is power lol we can only hope. Knowing what you like isn't enough though you have to voice it to your hopefully like-minded or at least open-minded partner. Don't be fooled sex is a crucial part of a relationship, keyword here though is relationship. And everything should be open to at least one discussion if you catch my drift. Prudes stop right here, this may be your final destination. Really...

And to be clear, no, I am not sending anyone to the whorehouse to gain "experience." It is not necessary to sleep with an entire zip code or country code for some, in order to know what you want or what you like. The best kept secret today seems to be held in the fabled book. Yes books are nifty little things that do hold a world of information. In particular the Omega How-To-Series comes to mind. Google Omega Press or the name Grace "M"... What do you think? I want feedback :-)

Now that's what I call literature. Oh don't be such a prude ;)

Oh and there's more...

Be honest with yourself and carry that same honesty over into your relationship. And honestly, I'm no expert but if anything is worth doing then hell it's worth doing well. If he or she stimulates you mentally then you're already half way there. I know especially for women, our partners are challenged with the sometimes arduous task of turning us on mentally while at the same time having the ability to kick-off that very (and I do mean very) sought after mental blackout when the time calls. Quite a task indeed if you ask me. But there are very personal, private, sometime deviant needs that lie between points A and B. It is so worth it to explore what that is for you and yours. This is just one piece of the complex puzzle (which makes up a relationship) that just simply cannot be amiss. Whatever you took from this... Either way you've got homework to do.

There is no perfection in the giving or receiving of pleasure; only insofar as you capture that little piece of magic that makes you both forget your own existence, if only for just a few short moments at a time. When in love, we owe each other that.

If you have not had the pleasure of reading Lady Chatterley's Lover, I highly recommend it.

My next blog will delve a bit deeper into the relationship between men and women then (during twentieth-century England) and now . Has it fundamentally changed at all?