Sins of My Father

How I'm feeling today: anxious, melancholy, thoughtful and somehow still content (the power of acceptance of both self and circumstance)

So I promised this post on Valentine's Day but I could not get myself to really dig deep enough to write this one in all its ugly truths. First my apologies for not keeping my word, I endeavor to do so in the future. I just could not write this post while I was in a negative space. Some parts will look into my past, my childhood, the people that have in one way or another shaped my worldview, and the people that no longer exist in my mind space and why. The basis of this post is to go through some of my experiences and delve into why one of the biggest lessons I've learned is that some people cannot give or receive love.

What I'd like to talk about first are the people in my life that I love and am loyal to, not by name but by their characteristics. Loyalty and trust are everything to me and in order to be friends/family (I don't know about you but I choose who I call family too) with anyone I require both in abundance. I say that to say this, have you ever known someone that made it impossible for you to tolerate them let alone to love them, to the point where loving them is inconceivable. Personally if I can neither trust nor have a mutually implied loyalty with an individual then all bets are off. We are neither friends nor are we family. It's that cut and dry. That's not to say we are enemies because I'm too adult and elevated in the way I see the world to give up my precious mind space for a subset of people that I will now have to consciously avoid (it's just dumb and counterproductive).